Sunday, December 9, 2012

Mack Leighty aka John Cheese Described With His Own Words.


The Man No Man Wants To Become

He's the one sitting by himself, sipping a mixed drink. He's wearing enough cologne that you can smell it outside the bar. If you subtract 15 years from the calendar, his clothes would be in style. The bartender knows his name and his drink without him saying a word. He's leaning against the bar like he hasn't a care in the world, gray hair bobbing slightly to music that you know for a fact he doesn't like. He's casually scanning the crowd, like a drunken Terminator, searching for any woman who's just the right level of buzzed. Drunk enough that her inhibitions are thinned, but not enough to pass out or vomit. He's hunting, and his eyes are on the girls your age. And it is creepy as hell.

From "Reformed Douchebags" by John Cheese.

Pretty much says it all...

18 comments:

  1. It's good that you could find someone who put your feelings into words when you could not. This guy who wrote this must be pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not my feelings, stooge. Maybe yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do you have against stooges? They are a great band.

      Delete
    2. Yeah! I'm a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm!

      Delete
  3. Hi guys! I'm not wearing pants!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nom nom nom nom nom!

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    2. Brilliant parody.

      Delete
  4. I think OnoSendai is John Cheese, and he's just trying to distract us all from the real conspiracy: Cracked is werewolves.

    Think about it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think you're really making a difference, OnoSendai. Cracked is running SCARED. Since you started this blog, this article:
    http://www.cracked.com/article_20109_5-mind-blowing-academic-theories-as-taught-by-classic-movies.html
    Got a mere 1.1 million views, and then this one:
    http://www.cracked.com/article_20068_5-absurdly-fatal-injuries-you-wont-believe-people-survived.html
    Got a mere 1 million! Then this one:
    http://www.cracked.com/article_20122_6-ill-advised-marketing-campaigns-that-backfired-hilariously.html
    Barely scraped by at a paltry 1.2 million hits. And the clincher:
    http://www.cracked.com/article_20112_5-amazing-things-that-people-managed-to-sleep-through.html
    That article's already a whole day old, and it only has 600,000 views! Cracked is barely the most popular website in the world anymore. You've started a movement!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, David. Glad I could help.

      Delete
    2. As someone who observes articles' numbers daily, I can tell you for certain that those numbers aren't any higher or lower than what they usually are. 1.2million after 2-3 days is actually high, while 500-600k is just about right for the lesser popular articles.

      It's funny that you actually think you're making a difference, lol.

      Delete
    3. And it was never the most popular website in the world you retard, neither did it ever claim that. For a humor website that creates its own content though, it is.

      Delete
  6. You're welcome, Ethan.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ethan Hawke? Ethan Hunt? Either way, I'm flattered. Run along now, Wong needs his dick sucked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ethan shut the fuck up Anon. You fag.

      I got your back Ono. These fucking Anons are like black little flies ready to be hanged.

      Delete
    2. I don;t understand. All stop saying it, but didn't u say stuff before? Again, Sorry a'll stop but Im confused.

      Delete
    3. I NEVER said the word and I NEVER will, understand?

      Delete