Saturday, December 8, 2012

A Welcome Interlude, Part Two

To Syd Barrett, In Tribute.


Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.

Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the cross fire of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger,
You legend, you martyr, and shine!

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Treatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions, come on you painter,
You piper, you prisoner, and shine!

Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pile on many more layers and i'll be joining you there.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
And we'll bask in the shadow of yesterday's triumph,
And sail on the steel breeze.
Come on you boy child, you winner and loser,
Come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!

To All Us Brothers In Rock And Roll.

And Madness...

Shine On.

48 comments:

  1. Okay here's my rant

    Cracked used to market itself as a smart, irreverent humor site that didn't treat anything as sacred. We have always thought of it as a comedy website, but for its creators it was always one thing - business. The site may or not have had artists trying to channel their inner genius, but all of them primarily strove towards pageviews. Note that I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but you need to know that to understand the site's attitude towards its audience.

    Cracked's main priority was appearing to be smart, than actually being cerebral. Being smart is hard work, especially when many of your articles are based on science. We all know it exaggerated many of its facts in its pop-sci articles, that it wasn't exactly a citable scientific journal. It's no surprise why David Wong's primary source of inspiration appears to be Malcolm Gladwell, the bestselling author who doesn't exactly have the same amount of respect among academics, because of his intellectual disingenuity.

    The trouble began when Cracked's tone started to shift since 2008. After the financial meltdown, you will notice Cracked had many articles about how hard it is to be an adult, why going to college isn't worth it, or some other variation. I'll leave it up to you to judge if it's cynical exploitation of current trends to go viral, or just clever marketing.

    Then came the political articles. It was time to brand the site as liberal and progressive, with a slew of articles having the keywords "racism" and "sexism". It's not that Cracked really cared about these topics, it still published hundreds of articles about how the Japanese are crazy, and the first link in my google search for 'boobs' is an soft-core porn page to Cracked. You'll also occasionally find bits of privileged white condescension, and sexist jabs in some of its articles that aren't about racism or sexism.

    The difference between the science articles and the political/life-advice ones are that Cracked couldn't hide behind the "we're just trying to entertain" excuse this time for their insincerity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Cracked used to market itself as a smart, irreverent humor site that didn't treat anything as sacred. "

      'Used to'? They still do, I'd say. And you're totally right to start by stating this fact, because it's really the most baffling thing about this whole mess: any time someone has a problem with a Cracked article, the answer is always, "Humour! Comedy site! Dick jokes!" And then suddenly, "Dead serious!!!" ? That doesn't compute.

      "You'll also occasionally find bits of privileged white condescension, and sexist jabs in some of its articles that aren't about racism or sexism. "

      Don't forget the massive amounts of homophobia and transphobia.

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  2. Here's where David Wong's apparent hatred for (unmoderated)commenters comes in. Commenters can challenge the writers' intellectual authority, they can call them out on their bullshit. Reasonable comments pointing out factual mistakes/flawed arguments in the articles can get topvoted and seen by many readers. If this phenomenon isn't checked, Cracked can slowly lose its credibility over time.

    It's not the abuse that makes Wong publicly denounce commenters. For every single death threat, there are hundreds of people congratulating Cheese for him turning his life around. For every Epictroll69lol, there are hundreds of witty commenters that make quips and trade puns, and improve the worth of an article. Since the advent of the topvotes tab, it's incredibly easy to circumvent any shitty comments. Many of the commenters are aspiring Cracked writers, and regularly contribute to photoplasties. One would think Cracked would value its commenters above the casual readers, many of who presumably skim through the articles.

    What Wong actually hates is criticism. Because, like I said before, criticism can challenge intellectual and moral authority. A reputed magazine/website maintains its credibility by actually having real writers, not shutting down criticism. Wong tries to preach redistribution and rational thinking, but doesn't want you to know that he was a creationist and voted for Bush twice.(Both you can learn through Wong's post history)

    The John Cheese article probably had the strongest backlash for a Cracked article, because while the average Cracked reader may not be a scientist, or political science/sociology major, he does have an idea about what's funny. And for an article criticizing low-brow humor through violent imagery, the article wan't funny. It was evident to most of the readers, who called him out in the comments. Never before was the vacuous, humorless condescension of many Cracked writers(Hi Christina!) more apparent. This is why Chesse and Wong resorted to moderating the comments section, not because some unknown guy allegedly wished alcohol poisoning to Cheese in facebook.

    I like the pop-culture articles because I don't have to cross-check every fact. The articles providing interesting factoids are also fun, but any article where Cracked makes assertions on its own is shady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ▲ That. So true. They would never let you write this on Cracked, even in comments section and even before this affair, it would be deleted in millisecond and your account banned, despite not having a single swear word a rude attack in it, it really hits the nail

      Delete
    2. " If this phenomenon isn't checked, Cracked can slowly lose its credibility over time. "

      Ther's an easy solution, mind you: they should just go back to being a comedy site, purveyor of one dick joke or boob reference a minute. It's their niche; straying too far from it is stupid.

      "It's not the abuse that makes Wong publicly denounce commenters. For every single death threat, there are hundreds of people congratulating Cheese for him turning his life around."

      Yup. Even they themselves, both Cheese and Wong, bragged about that several times over the last week.

      "One would think Cracked would value its commenters above the casual readers, many of who presumably skim through the articles. "

      You mean, like ANY site or individual who is not batshit insane and/or doesn't have an ego the size of Jupiter? Oh come on! What's next? Why not expect them to act like true professional authors, who value honest feedback almost more than anything else, and not like insecure hacks who spit on it, while you're at it? You're being demanding, man! They are just dick jokes comedians, you know.

      "What Wong actually hates is criticism. Because, like I said before, criticism can challenge intellectual and moral authority."

      But that would mean that Cracked is supposed to be seen as having "intellectual and moral authority" to begin with. A comedy site, which prizes itself on dick jokes, would see itself as having intellectual and moral authority? Surely you jest! ... *remembers many of Cheese's articles* ... Oh.

      "The John Cheese article probably had the strongest backlash for a Cracked article, because while the average Cracked reader may not be a scientist, or political science/sociology major, he does have an idea about what's funny."

      You shouldn't be so sure. After all, the average Cracked reader reads Cracked...

      "And for an article criticizing low-brow humor through violent imagery, the article wan't funny."

      That's just because you don't have the Cracked sense of humour!... Wait...

      "This is why Chesse and Wong resorted to moderating the comments section, not because some unknown guy allegedly wished alcohol poisoning to Cheese in facebook. "

      Okay, this is where I seriously disagree with you. The comments section on Cheese's article wasn't moderated because people were pointing out that the article was unfunny. It was moderated - or rather, outright censored - because people were pointing out that Cheese was being an asshole to the commenters on his Twitter and Facebook, and most importantly, because people went to the forums to mediate, were banned, and came back to report on the highly abusive treatment they received there. THIS is what the censorship was, and still is, about: not letting Cheesewong's asshole attitude be exposed to the readers. It's got nothing to do with the criticism of the article itself.

      Delete
    3. Yes, and Cracked doesn't want you to find out the guy who is giving you pompous life-advice is a raging asshole. But if you go through his posts in the forum it's blindingly obvious that he's an emotionally unstable guy with anger-management issues.

      Also, Wong maybe readable, but he's a fucking idiot who shouldn't be let anywhere near complex issues. Except his giant fucking ego makes him think he's right about everything. Like, here's a long post where he rationalizes men's hatred of sluts.

      http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=11020.msg301760#msg301760

      Also, here's a link to back my previous claim that he was a creationist.
      http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/684/wong-vs.-wong

      Delete
    4. As for John, for a guy lamenting about the rudeness of strangers, he isn't really polite:
      http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=43701.msg2221583#msg2221583

      That's a death threat for bad grammar. That's the guy who thinks he has the moral authority to give life-advice.

      Delete
    5. *select first link*
      *right-click*
      *open in new tab*

      "Sorry, Guest, you are banned..."

      * "Oh, right..."
      * Proxify!

      Sooo, let's see.

      1. Long blah blah blah coming down to: All we men think about when we see a hot woman is sex. All we value in hot women we don't know is sex. But when a hot woman uses sexual topics to get men's attention, that's bad and wrong!

      Oh. Just another way to say "Women are always wrong!", then.

      Also: "I assure you that no man alive complains if his girl is a huge slut for cock in the sack. That does not make him lose respect for her. "

      Right. My ass. I personally know one woman who had to take care of herself because her husband wasn't terribly interested in sex. I also know several women who have reported that their guys were disgusted or offended when said women tried to go down on them or suggested trying anal sex and so on. So, whatever.

      Then again, I wouldn't expect much from someone who writes that "If mental depression and distress killed off the sex drive, the species would die out", when depression and anxiety are well-known for lowering libido and increasing sexual dysfunctions in both males and females.

      2. Meh. I don't really care about Creationism vs. Evolution debates. Too painful still. I was raised in a fundie church. Sorry.

      3. "If you say "def" instead of "definitely" again, I'm going to jam your fucking head into an iceberg and drop you into the bottom of the ocean like the goddamn Titanic."

      Woah, what O.o !? Way to welcome a newbie, man! And a female one, too, because men threatening violence against women is so not an issue in this world... Ugh, what a piece of shit this man is!

      Delete
  3. I had no idea of the inner workings of the site. I didn't know Cheese & Wong were buds or that Christina was a mod(Mortal Wombat). I didn't know anything about all that because I never read the forums. I never bothered to click on anyone's twitter or Facebook link because I don't have accounts there & don't want any.
    I started becoming aware of things like this last week after being directed by others in the comments to see what Cheese thinks about his readers. Then being told to check out the forums to see Wong's attitude about us.
    Up until then, (last week), I liked all of these writers. Although I thought JC was getting repetitive I never would have commented anything negative about it because I've never written anything in my life, yet I realize how hard it must be to come up with new subject matter week after week, and be funny about it.
    My comments about the quality of an article was ALWAYS positive. Especially if it was one of a writer's first articles, I always made a comment saying approximately, "Good job, Keep em coming".
    The realization of how stupid it all was, congratulating an author on their writing or giving a downvote to a jewbaiter in a Gladstone article doesn't make me any better or worse than any other commenter.
    To Wong we're all just part of the cockroach mass. Children smearing shit on his walls. I guess the biggest part of my fascination with watching the comments and forum sections for three days, was just watching the ridiculous ego of one man(Wong) and his selected sycophants trying to cover for an obvious mistake by his best bud by the bluntest and most ham-fisted ways possible.
    I'll still peruse Cracked but it has totally lost it's status as a special and different kinda website. It's full of trolls and assholes and they run the place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " I guess the biggest part of my fascination with watching the comments and forum sections for three days, was just watching the ridiculous ego of one man(Wong) and his selected sycophants trying to cover for an obvious mistake by his best bud by the bluntest and most ham-fisted ways possible."

      AMEN! I've been using the term "surreal" to express how I feel about all this. Seriously, in this time, and on the internet, there are still people who think this is an efficient way to deal with anything O.o ? And especially people who prize themselves on being more thick-skinned and irreverent than most?? It's just so absurd, it's truly fascinating to observe.

      "I'll still peruse Cracked but it has totally lost it's status as a special and different kinda website. It's full of trolls and assholes and they run the place."

      Agreed. Also, I'll make sure to always use something like AdBlock while going on Cracked, even if I (unlike Wong apparently) know that it doesn't actually change anything :P

      Delete
    2. Welcome to the World behind the Mirror! :)

      Delete
    3. Just sorry that any of us are here.

      Delete
  4. "Fake geek girls suck!"
    http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-awful-ways-internet-tainting-everything-else_p2/

    "People who say 'fake geek girls suck' suck!"
    http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-ridiculous-things-about-calling-out-fake-fangirls/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, well-spotted, anon!

    I particularly like how Luke's conclusion goes straight against Cheese's latest article:

    "The whole point of liking things is to enjoy them. More people means more fun. Even if you're a total sociopath, more people in your hobby means more products for you to enjoy."

    No no no, Luke, you poor deluded fool! More people making humour just means pain for the TRUE comedians! True fans of something - anything - know that only the professionals should meddle with it.

    Yeeeaaah... I think I'll side with Luke on this one :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, I actually started this last night in a fit of euphoria. (Good music, my once-a-month beer intake and after watching Babylon 5 repeats). I intended it to be a momentary respite from the mess. But it seems to have generated some of the most rational and intellectual discourse on the subject so far. Well done, gentlemen. Well done.

    Now, back to my hangover.

    ReplyDelete
  7. https://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/status/253970183138459648

    https://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/statuses/241249070629416960

    https://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/statuses/241250147290456064

    ReplyDelete
  8. http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/austin_3800/3857_the-reformed-douchebag.html

    "The Reformed Douchebag" by John Cheese.

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey guys I have a few suggestions and I'd like to know what you think about them.

    The "incident" has been almost forgotten but by a few, so let's have some fun with the blog. Let's have some creative, funny articles ripping Cracked and its editors.

    First, change the layout of this blog to something resembling that of Cracked's. Don't steal their code or anything, just close enough for a parody site. Change the name of the blog to a clever pun. I can't think of a one-word pun to 'Cracked', if we can't come up with a pun, let's just call it 'Crackeddotcomsucks'.

    Sample article #1:

    "5 Trivial things I am going to be a dick about"
    by Giant Douche.

    Header - The same one as that in Cheese's latest article, except replace the face of the person getting punched with...a slab of cheese.
    The header will have the byline - Narcissistic hack presents common sense as profound insight.

    The article will then go on to satirize cheese's bullshit articles, the inherent condescension, and smug sense of superiority.

    Sample Article #2: David Wong fucking sucks.

    We have enough evidence now that he's an asshole. We'll provide screenshots as evidence, and have a comprehensive case for why Wong is a dick.

    Sample Article #3: John Cheese fucking sucks.

    Same as above.

    Sample Article #4: Cracked.com fucking sucks

    We provide examples of how Cracked cynically panders to its audience.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds excellent, man. Start us off, I'll see about changing the layout.

      Delete
    2. COCKED- Consortium Of Condescending Kocks Exemplifying Douchebaggery.

      Delete
  10. So... your blog post was just posting Pink Floyd lyrics followed by four people bitching about some guy on a comedy web page? That's the saddest thing in the world. Sadder than anything I can think of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow... If this blog is anywhere close to the saddest thing you can think of, then you are one hell of a privileged sucker O.o

      Delete
  11. Except you coming here after sucking Wong's dick?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You all seem to have this big issue with sucking dick. There's nothing wrong with sucking dick guys. It's a noble cause. After all, in order to get your dick sucked you need to be with someone who sucks dick.

      Aren't you like 50? You sound like a high school kid. In fact, that post is sadder than posting Pink Floyd lyrics, so I guess you did prove me wrong.

      Delete
    2. We're not saying it's wrong. We're just saying you suck cocks. You may or may not be gay, but that doesn't have anything to do with your cock-sucking. For you, it's a necessity, a means to an end. We get it. You don't have a real job. You get your self-worth from working in the internet equivalent of a sweatshop. Your asshole boss likes getting his cock sucked once in a while. You like the Cracked gig more than dignity.

      We get it.

      So goo luck with the sucking, man!

      Delete
    3. "Everything good and fair in the world exists due to the hard labor by John Cheese and David Wong for they are the upholders of our civilization, I like them a lo-nom nom nom nom nom nom! nom nom nom nom nom nom!"

      Delete
    4. Good call rebutting the "you sound like a high school kid" with a series of cock-sucking insults. Totally not ironic how you just proved their point by making taking the same position once more.

      Q: "What's with all the gay insults?"
      A: "because yousuck cockLOL!"

      Good call.

      Delete
    5. It's an insult if you want it to. We support your right to suck cocks. Because you do suck cocks. Like, all of them. Every day. In public. All of you try to hang on to Wong's massive (metaphorical) dick and suck on it.

      Why be ashamed of it? Are you saying it's bad to suck cocks? Why, that's the homophobicisiestest thing I've ever heard!

      Delete
    6. I am 55, and I do act like a high-schooler so thanks for playing!

      Ed, what has our guest won?

      Delete
    7. Just came back to check and yep, still sad. Really sad.

      Delete
    8. Nice. "Your mom." Completely dignified comeback.

      HAHA, get it? "Your mom!" He's saying that that guy's mom is the one that's 'really sad"! See how he flipped it like that! Brilliant, and original. Totally not something a middle-school kid would say in the 90s.

      Delete
    9. Oh Ok. The 80s. My bad, you aren't 20 years behind but rather 30 years. Thanks for correcting me on how far behind your humor is.

      Delete
    10. At least ONo doesn'st suck ont he cock. You like the cock? i bet you're like, blac k or italian you piece of shit. Don't fuck with Ono.

      Delete
  12. No man get the fuck away from my store man
    You make it look bad
    Get the fuck outta here
    What the fuck, get the fuck outta here you bum
    Ain't nobody gonna tell me where I can sleep shit
    Fuck him I'm finna sleep here it's better here anyway
    I'm cold, rich people ain't cold
    Shit they got money and they warm
    I'm cold and broke
    As a joker, clown
    I'm out here makin people laugh
    Rich people laugh
    I suppose it's funny to see me out here freezing my ass off
    I can sleep now
    Ain't nobody gonna take that away
    I can sleep in this spot

    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joker jumping joker sing
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Wicked clown is in the house

    Wake up in my golden bed
    The wicked thoughts inside my head
    Step outside and glide away
    Nothing's wicked here today
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excel your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can jump across the land
    Wind up in the emerald sand
    Swing the jewels of endless time
    Take it all, cause it's mine
    Pour a bowl of chocolate soup
    Serve it with the fruit loop
    This is my world I am king

    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joker jumping joker sing
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Wicked clown is in the house

    I can fall in love like that
    In my world she loves me back
    If I choose, I choose alone
    Freak is gone, boys is on
    Cause the homies watch your back
    Life is over like that
    Once it's done, it's done, it's dead
    Ticky tocky ticky dead
    If you feel the need to go
    Go, go, won't ya go
    They call you a freak show
    Welcome to the carnival
    Yes, ladies and gentlemen
    The wicked clowns will arrive in your town soon
    And believe me, it won't be pretty
    Justice must be served
    To the uncaring selfish wealthy ones
    Be prepared and get ready
    To catch 400 years of hell
    And, oh, one last note to all

    Wicked clown is in the house
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind

    Welcome to the carnival
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Joke your mind, joke your mind
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Welcome to the carnival
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    I can breathe the magic mist
    And excell your every wish
    Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
    Ring them bells, ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Ring them loud
    Joke ya, joke ya, joke ya mind
    Wicked clown is in the house

    Hey, hey you fuckin hobo get up mu-fucka
    What you got man?
    I don't got nuthin man
    What you got motherfucker?
    I don't got nuthin man
    Alright motherfucker fuck off then

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, I like that, who does it?

      Delete
    2. Dood ICp is my ham too! Ono you my negro! This is funny! This blog s great man!

      Delete
    3. This scite is the beast!

      Delete
    4. That was Insane Clown Posse, for real? I haven't listened to them since before they got weird, lol. May have to do a little torrenting, lol.

      Thank you, my man!

      Delete